inbox. duplicity.

[notscary]

{ texts, videos, phone calls/voicemails, action -- leave 'em here for Eddie }

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[protocol]

[ daddy's always paying attention. wash helps himself to another slice, mostly in effort to help eddie feel less self-conscious about it, watching him without making it too obvious he's doing so. wash is observant and a good read of most people, let alone someone like eddie who's so terribly earnest, and whom wash knows pretty well by now. he notes the way that bright smile settles a little too much on his lips after a few moments, how it fades as he eases into the quiet. quiet itself is already not normal, for eddie, and he's also used to his energy, how he's always moving a little, fidgeting, and. that's quiet, too.

poor eddie. wash is pretty content with silence and his view with a lot of these things is that -- with different people, he can take different roles, be a little more prompting, encouraging. but he knows eddie will talk once he finds the words, or even before that. and when eddie does talk, wash of course listens, looking back at him. he doesn't mind that eddie isn't meeting his eyes.

wash lets that sit for a moment, before he reaches out and lightly covers eddie's hand on the table with his own. not interrupting him from eating his pizza, of course. just contact, gentle, grounding, a light squeeze of his hand over the back of eddie's. ]

Does suck she's gone, yeah.

[ the thing about talking about it, especially when it comes to something like grief, or processing emotion, is that -- it's not really about talking about it in the right way, finding the right words. its just about talking about it. finding ways to express a feeling, having someone else hear it, a feeling that otherwise feels so isolating. ]

You're far from alone. You've got Steve -- and a lot of other friends you've made here. Me. [ a soothing brush of his thumb against the side of eddie's hand, and wash himself turns to take another bite of the pizza here. purposeful and deliberate. he doesn't want to force eddie to feel happy or something, but he is trying to make sure this feels a little more casual, that it'll only slide into something heavier if eddie actually wants it to. ] But it still sucks she's gone.

I only knew her from afar at Jolene's. Mostly trying to make sure I don't piss her off too much while I kept distracting her employee. [ a slight tilt of his head, a wry, amused glance. ] I take it she was a pretty chill boss?

[ lets just talk about her a little, eddie. ]

[notscary]

[ no matter which way it's sliced, this is a conversation eddie wishes he didn't need to have. that the situation could just be different. for any desires he may have to sign a contract with wash, it hadn't taken much for eddie to realize how nice it was to have juliette. that she added a great deal to his life, that having her in charge of him in sex dystopia had been good. for him, and for her, and for the space she'd carved while in the city. places, businesses and economy, that help people to feel like they're really living a life there beyond being pawns for the creator and company, they're important, and jolene's is important. a matter that eddie's considered too, but the brunt of his ache is on juliette herself being gone. the rest, the possibility of not having the bar to play at, to work at, anymore, is a trickling down of misfortune.

eddie's chewing when he feels wash's hand on his own, gaze flicking down to their hands, lips pushing together as he takes another bite. it's always nice, some degree of reassuring, to have someone agree with him, and eddie nods slowly, automatically. he wishes he had more to say, feels like he should have more as his gut reaction to say about how he's really feeling, that it stings internally to not be able to spout off a lot reflexively. dealing with loss isn't entirely new, but this sort of grief is different; and eddie doesn't feel like he's processing anything, really.

he chews a little more slowly as wash continues, lets his eyes meet the tabletop even as it's mentioned he has friends there, stares there until wash mentions that he has him there. it causes eddie's lips to twitch in a tiny smile, for him to swallow, nod, think of the conversations he's had of late. sets a small worry line on his forehead even as wash's thumb strokes his hand, faint breath that threatens to stutter. eddie gets caught up in the idea of how anyone could vanish on any given day, the thought a hop away from spiraling until wash continues. asking the people he cares about if they'd want to stay there, like he would, really isn't something he thinks he'll ever be prepared for, and somehow in the moment, juliette feels like an easier topic.

his chest is tight, but eddie sighs softly and works to make his body relax. a small jerk of his head, a little roll of his shoulders. laughing wryly at those words, about distracting eddie at jolene's, bubbles up easily. slice of pizza eaten, he lets his fingers tap on the table, glancing away. ]

Yeah. [ barely audible, but he hums, lips pressing together, eyes turning fond, sad. he meets wash's again, soft smile wry, voice quiet and thick. ] She was. Best boss I've ever had. [ a slow exhale through his nose, another darting away of his eyes before he makes eye contact again. a fairly constant enough action really, a fidgeting of sorts that isn't regular or comfortable, not with wash who he's generally always all but hooked on looking at. ]

I don't think she ever would've minded, anyway. I mean, she got mad about the sudden surprise orgy. But that's just because it fucked up the concert she had planned, not because she was even a little bit prudish. [ getting a touch easier to talk about, going back to something from several months ago, a happier, if not wilder, time.

eddie reaches for another piece of pizza. ] Had a nice house she just...let me live in right away, too. [ a sigh, a bite and several moments of silence as he chews, swallows. ] But it's...not the same there, now. [ his lips quirk to the side, eyes casting down at the floor. ] Obvious, yeah. I just -- [ his nose wrinkles, eyes shutting as he grimaces, takes another bite ] I've never lived alone. I'm...I don't care for it. But. [ that's just how it is. he shrugs one shoulder.

just, talking about it, even the more uncomfortable but unavoidable bits. ]